Playing It Obvious

I do realize that there are certain games and rules that need to be heeded in this crazy dating jungle. "Let him call you." "Let him make the first move." Blah blah blah. These rules have always evaded me for some reason. It's like a mini rebellion that burns inside me, a desire to not follow the rules and have everything magically work out. That 15 year old girl still exists, yearning to break free and take over the cruel, cruel world that exist only to spite me. "Damn you world!"

Well, I'm not as dark and mysterious as I used to me (because, come on, I was pretty hard core, purposely not studying until the last minute. Take that 10th grade). I still do find it hard to follow "rules" when dating, because I just don't think it should be that hard. Even though I have previously said that I am usually right (that was a lie), I can sometimes be wrong. Sometimes. On the rare occasion.

I was out for some drinks last night with a few girlfriends, while the Superbowl was being dvred, so we could later watch the commercials - they were pretty bad this year. Anyway, so we were talking about dating, because that's what girls do, and my one friend said she was watching Oprah recently when some kind of matchmaker was on giving dating advice. The one piece of advice that stuck with me after this whole conversation (I was drinking wine and feeling niiiiice) was to "let him be a man." Um, ok. Done, because he is one. Hopefully.

What I think she meant was, let him take care of you or at least think that he is taking care of you in some capacity. It's like, really? Am I dealing with a child? Ok, honey, you pay for me and you initiate the conversation. I'm just going to sit here and smile! Do you feeling like a man now? No? Ok, you call me first. I will sit by the phone panicking because I didn't hear from you after we had an amazing date. And instead of taking matters into my own hands, I'm just going to let an opportunity pass me by. Bye!!! Don't call! Sigh.

I understand the philosophy behind it and all, but it sucks! I don't have to like it, right? Dating is so much more complicated that I was making it out to be. I don't want that. I don't want to feel pressured to act a certain way, so that some dude likes me. It's so demeaning and so 1950. It's similar to the way I acted in high school. Coy and constantly waiting. Waiting for someone to grow a pair and ask me out. I did date a little in high school, but I was so awkward that it wasn't even that memorable, just...awkward. Hi again braces and my extremely depleted self-esteem! I totally did not miss you.

Honestly though, mostly every time I have initiated a conversation with a guy at a bar or showed that I was interested, it would blow up in my face. Like his balls would mysteriously retract up into his body because some girl thought he was cool. "Why are you interested in me? It's like your a heterosexual female and I'm a heterosexual male!" Crazy. People do pick up vibes better than you think, so that gets me into trouble. I can not play it cool for the life of me. I'm just really not that cool.

Ah, yes. More fun ahead! I'm really not that bitter, I swear. Really. I'm not. Positivity!

On a fun, totally lame note, I did a special improv performance Saturday night with a mix of people from classes and people who are regular performers at the theatre. I'm of the class distinction...for now! So, I got to be a group with the one dude who I thought was cute. I had seen him perform before and had a total improv crush on him. Hi serendipity! Thanks for showing up! So I decided that I would really try to step out in a scene with him. And ta da...I did it! I'm ridiculous.

We totally walked out together too. Awesome. I mean, he was 10 paces behind me and was with his friends. Regardless, it was at the same time, kinda. We were also standing at the same corner together. Hot. He was still talking to his friends and I was hanging with my new gay friend. Totally sweet.