Watch Out Ladies

Hey lady readers. I actually have a really important topic to talk about today. More and more I've been hearing stories from my friends about this new epidemic. I thought it was about time that I broached the topic in a safe forum.

Ladies, something has been going on recently that has been making many us feel uncomfortable and taking us quite off guard. Ladies, I'm talking about face rape. Yeah, that's right: facial rape. It's not ok, and it happens way way too often.

Case #1: My sister went on a date with a guy a few months ago. I think she met him on some online dating website. Often, this is where it all starts. They were out on what seemed to be a nice typical date. She wasn't "feeling" him yet, but she was enjoying her time. She was enjoying her time until... You guessed it: facial rape. She turned her head to look at something at the far end of the bar and when she turned her head back, the guy was making out with her face. Jesus. The humanity!

Case #2: My friend "Sandwiches" has entered the world of online dating recently, and she has been faring pretty well. She's a tall beauty who was looking for a tall handsome man to call her own. She had been on a few dates with her tall beau, and at the time her impression of him was that he was a kind, gentle, well-mannered young lad, until... Yes, again. They were standing on the subway platform after a very civilized date when he "started raping my face. It was so awkward!" Why!?? WHYYYYY!!!

Case #3: I went on a date recently in Brooklyn with a new guy I had met on OkCupid. He seemed pretty cool and was quite attractive. When I arrived at the bar, he gave me a hug and told me to order a drink on his tab. I was excited by the fact that he was willing to pony up on this date, though, throughout the night, he kept touching my leg and well, he kept just touching me, which shot my defenses right up.

The evening had been pretty tame, except for the odd touchy advances that I ignored, until... it just came out of no where! He randomly told me that he was going to try to make out with me (why are you telling me this? I gave you no indication that I wanted to make out with you. I actually ignored and brushed off your hand every time it touched me), and then well... he raped my face. NNOOOOOO!!!!! I just met you! I didn't ask for this! This is not ok!

So, ladies be on the lookout for face rapers. There are more out there in the world than you think. And guys, don't facially rape women. It's not cool... so not cool.

Ed note: thank you to Sandwiches for coining "face rape" and letting me use it in this post.