Foreign guys love me. I don't know what it is. It may be the language barrier. Hmmmm, it's most likely the language barrier. I am really good at looking cute while not understanding what someone is telling me.
There is this one guy who is a regular at the French restaurant that me and the guru frequent. I think he is gorgeous, but the guru is on the fence. He's got that preppy, French businessman look to him, which I find to be super hot. And it's strange because I normally go for guys who wear jeans and crappy tee-shirts. You know, the "I probably don't have a job" look. Sessy.
So, Frenchy French is putting on the heavy flirt with me one night. Telling me how cute my jeans make me look, which obviously means that he's been checking out my ass. My ass is stellar. Out of this world. Interplanetary. Cosmic! PLANETS! SOLAR SYSTEM!!! Anne's ass.
Frenchy French got my number that night, and at 4am I got a call from him. Score! 4am booty call! It's been awhile since that's happened, so I was actually really excited and quite flattered. I was in bed asleep. I pooped out at midnight that night. Like I've said many times before, I'm awesome and not geriatric.
I haven't seen or heard from Frenchy French since then. I had an inkling to call him the next day, but I fought against it. Instead, I picked up my remote control and vat of ice cream and had a date with myself and "CSI". Heaven!
UPDATE!
My friend emailed me and asked if I fell asleep after the 4am booty call, to which I replied, "I totally woke up, looked at my phone, smiled to myself, then promptly went right back to sleep. I'm such a dork!" It's official, I'm a dork.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I Got You on my Sprain
Sometimes, I really amaze myself. I do awesome things all the time. Awesome things that result in me having a sprained ankle. Last Sunday, I was out in the hood with the guru and our good friend. After a lovely dinner at al di la (seriously, it's amazing - I missed dinner, but caught dessert and wine with them), we decided to take the party out in the slope. Woo! Sunday night! My drinking on school nights is getting a little out of hand, but I can never say no to these two. They are simply adorable, and I'm easily persuaded to do almost anything. Within reason, of course!
After a few bars, we decided to go for one more, our nightcap, because, you know, it was only 2am. Fuck, work is going to suck in the a.m. En route, I thought that it would be so fucking cool if I did some freestyle walking. Google that on the internet if you don't know what it is. It's ridiculous. So, after a sweet jump, I fell and twisted my ankle. Me = idiot. It looked RAD though, or so I was told. I have to keep telling myself that, just so I can justify doing something really stupid with the fact that it looked cool. I just need validation! I just need someone to love me! Why won't you love me!? Tear.
Anyway, the ankle wasn't feeling much better after a couple of days, so I decided that it was time to go see a doctor. My boss gave me the name of her ankle specialist. That's right, a specialist. I told her that I twisted my ankle stepping the wrong way off of a curb, leaving out the fact that I had been drinking and was doing a dumb ass stunt. She told me she did the exact same thing. I imagined her freestyle walking and it made me laugh. When she asked what I was laughing about, I just stared at her, then turned the other way. Awkward.
So, I made my way to the doctor's office, and it's official, waiting rooms are strange. Sick people are normal for a waiting room, so is being a fucking weirdo. This waiting room in particular was filled with weirdos. People not knowing how to fill out their form. People coughing. People all in my space. Listen, lady, my bag is sitting there. OK? You can take any of the 10 other seats open. MmmmKthanks.
The nurse calls me into the patient room off of the waiting room. I never understand this part of being in a doctor's office. I usually have to wait 10 more minutes in that little room, but in this case the doctor comes in right away which is a nice little treat. It's also a nice little treat that he's HOT. H-O-T-T hot. He actually looks surprised at my appearance. I'm normal looking. I deduced that he was surprised that I wasn't a weirdo, like all of the weirdos in the waiting room. Already off to a good start! I asked him to marry me right then and there. The end.
OH snap! Fooled you! I totes didn't do that, but it would have been pretty ballsy (and awweesome).
So, he takes a look at my ankle, and asks me if I've been wrapping it. I told him that I was using my high top Chucks to brace my ankle. I'm inventive and creative with healing techniques! I will surely impress him with my medical knowledge! As I'm showing him my ankle, like, angling it so he can see the bruising, he says, "Oh, can you just turn a little bit?" So I angle more, propping myself completely onto my side while sitting in a chair. I was thinking, "This is such an awkward position, why does he want me to turn like this?" He says, "No, could you just sit normally?" Nice. Real, nice, Anne. "Oh, ha. Of course. So stupid of me!" He is really charming though and jokes around with me a bit about my ankle, so I'm not being too awkward. ...Yet.
He then took me to get an X-ray and as he is putting that heavy X-ray blanket thing on me, he says, "So, I have to ask this... Are you pregnant?" My response: "NO. Ha ha. NO. Definitely not pregnant. Definitely not." Uh oh. Jesus, stop talking! Stop yourself from saying anything more! I can feel myself wanting to joke around and say something really stupid. It's building up and I know I'm going to make an ass out of myself in front of this handsome and charming doctor. He says, "Well, you know, I never ask the guys that! Ha ha." Me: "Yeah, I guess not. I was going say um ha ha did you uh say think I was ff fff fat. Ha ha."
Mmmm. There it is. There you go. The awkward has been revealed like I knew it would. He laughed a small uncomfortable laugh as he silently judged me, then said, "OK, so look to your left and you will see the X-ray."
Yup. I'm back, people!
After a few bars, we decided to go for one more, our nightcap, because, you know, it was only 2am. Fuck, work is going to suck in the a.m. En route, I thought that it would be so fucking cool if I did some freestyle walking. Google that on the internet if you don't know what it is. It's ridiculous. So, after a sweet jump, I fell and twisted my ankle. Me = idiot. It looked RAD though, or so I was told. I have to keep telling myself that, just so I can justify doing something really stupid with the fact that it looked cool. I just need validation! I just need someone to love me! Why won't you love me!? Tear.
Anyway, the ankle wasn't feeling much better after a couple of days, so I decided that it was time to go see a doctor. My boss gave me the name of her ankle specialist. That's right, a specialist. I told her that I twisted my ankle stepping the wrong way off of a curb, leaving out the fact that I had been drinking and was doing a dumb ass stunt. She told me she did the exact same thing. I imagined her freestyle walking and it made me laugh. When she asked what I was laughing about, I just stared at her, then turned the other way. Awkward.
So, I made my way to the doctor's office, and it's official, waiting rooms are strange. Sick people are normal for a waiting room, so is being a fucking weirdo. This waiting room in particular was filled with weirdos. People not knowing how to fill out their form. People coughing. People all in my space. Listen, lady, my bag is sitting there. OK? You can take any of the 10 other seats open. MmmmKthanks.
The nurse calls me into the patient room off of the waiting room. I never understand this part of being in a doctor's office. I usually have to wait 10 more minutes in that little room, but in this case the doctor comes in right away which is a nice little treat. It's also a nice little treat that he's HOT. H-O-T-T hot. He actually looks surprised at my appearance. I'm normal looking. I deduced that he was surprised that I wasn't a weirdo, like all of the weirdos in the waiting room. Already off to a good start! I asked him to marry me right then and there. The end.
OH snap! Fooled you! I totes didn't do that, but it would have been pretty ballsy (and awweesome).
So, he takes a look at my ankle, and asks me if I've been wrapping it. I told him that I was using my high top Chucks to brace my ankle. I'm inventive and creative with healing techniques! I will surely impress him with my medical knowledge! As I'm showing him my ankle, like, angling it so he can see the bruising, he says, "Oh, can you just turn a little bit?" So I angle more, propping myself completely onto my side while sitting in a chair. I was thinking, "This is such an awkward position, why does he want me to turn like this?" He says, "No, could you just sit normally?" Nice. Real, nice, Anne. "Oh, ha. Of course. So stupid of me!" He is really charming though and jokes around with me a bit about my ankle, so I'm not being too awkward. ...Yet.
He then took me to get an X-ray and as he is putting that heavy X-ray blanket thing on me, he says, "So, I have to ask this... Are you pregnant?" My response: "NO. Ha ha. NO. Definitely not pregnant. Definitely not." Uh oh. Jesus, stop talking! Stop yourself from saying anything more! I can feel myself wanting to joke around and say something really stupid. It's building up and I know I'm going to make an ass out of myself in front of this handsome and charming doctor. He says, "Well, you know, I never ask the guys that! Ha ha." Me: "Yeah, I guess not. I was going say um ha ha did you uh say think I was ff fff fat. Ha ha."
Mmmm. There it is. There you go. The awkward has been revealed like I knew it would. He laughed a small uncomfortable laugh as he silently judged me, then said, "OK, so look to your left and you will see the X-ray."
Yup. I'm back, people!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Is That a Mirror in Your Pants
Yesterday, my friend IM'ed me with this: "I can't believe I slept with two guys at once." This was the first thing she said. There was no, "Hey, so crazy story!" or, "Hey there! Listen to this one." She just laid it all out there.
This is what went through my head when she told me the "news:"
"Oh WHAT! Um, uh. Ok. Wow. How does that even work? I would be so confused. Uh, I'm not quite sure how to respond to this. So, does one guy just stand there an wait until the other one is finished? Are there multiple 'goings-on'? I don't want to think about this! Jeez. But, seriously, how does that work!?"
This is how I responded:
"WHAT! Way to get my attention!"
Then I went on to think:
"What would I do if this option was suddenly available to me? Would I do it? How would they ask me? 'Hey, so we want to do you at the same time.' That's probably not how they would ask. It would probably be something like, 'We want to stick it in you at the same time.' No, that's probably not right either, and that's pretty much what I thought initially. I think I would have to turn them down, because of sheer confusion."
Seriously how DOES that work!?
This is what went through my head when she told me the "news:"
"Oh WHAT! Um, uh. Ok. Wow. How does that even work? I would be so confused. Uh, I'm not quite sure how to respond to this. So, does one guy just stand there an wait until the other one is finished? Are there multiple 'goings-on'? I don't want to think about this! Jeez. But, seriously, how does that work!?"
This is how I responded:
"WHAT! Way to get my attention!"
Then I went on to think:
"What would I do if this option was suddenly available to me? Would I do it? How would they ask me? 'Hey, so we want to do you at the same time.' That's probably not how they would ask. It would probably be something like, 'We want to stick it in you at the same time.' No, that's probably not right either, and that's pretty much what I thought initially. I think I would have to turn them down, because of sheer confusion."
Seriously how DOES that work!?
Friday, September 25, 2009
Falling Over in Failure
A few nights ago, the guru and I went out for a classy dinner in Park Slope. Some people may think we are dating when we dine together, because of all the laughing and making out, but, aahhh, we are not an item and we don't really make out... in public. After an amazing dinner, we thought we should go out for one more drink. We were on a mission. "It's Wednesday night. Let's pick up some dudes!" Our motto for the evening.
We made our way to our favorite watering hole, but unfortunately our favorite bartender wasn't working, so we were absent friendly banter and free Stella. Ah, well, let's find the dudes!
We staked our claim of awesome seats in plain view of a group of guys who we referred to as "The Apatow Crew," because one guy looked like Jonah Hill, except skinnier. The entire group was named for one kid who barely resembled Jonah Hill. We are awesome. So, we had these awesome seats, but after getting up for a smoke, we saw some nice seats open on the couches. The guru opted for these seats. Very comfortable. I get tired thinking about hitting on guys. Just thinking about it! Imagine if it actually happened.
I was wondering why she wanted to sit on the couches, because we weren't really in view of the guys we wanted to hit on. She told me that she didn't want to be obvious, but I'm like fuck it. Who cares? It's a Wednesday night and we are at a bar. So, we picked some new seats in better view of the guys. She then revealed to me that she can only hit on guys when there is a big crowd of people, and this bar was none too crowded. I'm the opposite. I feel like I have a better chance when there aren't as many people around. Less chance of the busty blonde coming and messing everything up! I mean really. Can you just give me a break, busty blonde!?
That was when I devised my master plan. The boys were playing bocce ball, which was en route to the bathroom... My plan was to go to the bathroom, then on the way back "fall" into one of the guys. It was genius! Brilliant! The most amazing plan ever! Except, when I got back up from the bathroom, the guys were in a different location and it just threw me off completely.
So, I sat down and continued to drink, and we never talked to The Apatow Crew or any guys for that matter.
The End.
We made our way to our favorite watering hole, but unfortunately our favorite bartender wasn't working, so we were absent friendly banter and free Stella. Ah, well, let's find the dudes!
We staked our claim of awesome seats in plain view of a group of guys who we referred to as "The Apatow Crew," because one guy looked like Jonah Hill, except skinnier. The entire group was named for one kid who barely resembled Jonah Hill. We are awesome. So, we had these awesome seats, but after getting up for a smoke, we saw some nice seats open on the couches. The guru opted for these seats. Very comfortable. I get tired thinking about hitting on guys. Just thinking about it! Imagine if it actually happened.
I was wondering why she wanted to sit on the couches, because we weren't really in view of the guys we wanted to hit on. She told me that she didn't want to be obvious, but I'm like fuck it. Who cares? It's a Wednesday night and we are at a bar. So, we picked some new seats in better view of the guys. She then revealed to me that she can only hit on guys when there is a big crowd of people, and this bar was none too crowded. I'm the opposite. I feel like I have a better chance when there aren't as many people around. Less chance of the busty blonde coming and messing everything up! I mean really. Can you just give me a break, busty blonde!?
That was when I devised my master plan. The boys were playing bocce ball, which was en route to the bathroom... My plan was to go to the bathroom, then on the way back "fall" into one of the guys. It was genius! Brilliant! The most amazing plan ever! Except, when I got back up from the bathroom, the guys were in a different location and it just threw me off completely.
So, I sat down and continued to drink, and we never talked to The Apatow Crew or any guys for that matter.
The End.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Pee Your Pants to my Heart
Yesterday on the subway, I sat next to a man who had most definitely peed himself. He may have been asleep, but I think he was hitting on me! Those pheromones! Swoon.
Also, today on the subway, a woman was reading the book, Booty Call. I wonder what that's about! Sounds sassy.
Also, today on the subway, a woman was reading the book, Booty Call. I wonder what that's about! Sounds sassy.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wedding to Get in Your Pants
Friends of the blogosphere! I come here to lay my latest knowledge on you! It's a rainy rainy day in NYC right now. I'm all snuggled up in a large hooded sweatshirt looking like quite the criminal. Criminally adorable! As you all know, I'm super lazy and never get around to posting on this site, but I have a good story to tell, so here goes it!
Weddings are great. They are usually a lot of fun and who doesn't like seeing their friends having the times of their lives uniting as a couple! Well, probably a lot of bitter (read: ugly) people, who think they will never find love or a decent relationship. Well, that ain't so, lady eating from the 16 oz ice cream carton (read: me). As the saying goes, there is someone out there for everyone! That particular someone for me is my cat. Sigh.
My friends got married a couple of weeks ago. They are really good friends from college and I was over the top excited for this wedding. Though, I was a little hesitant, because a) I'm single and b) my ex-boyfriend was going to be there with his current girlfriend. There isn't any bad blood between me and my ex, but those situations always tend to be a little awkward no matter how cool you play it (read: I'm extremely awkward). I had to make sure I had the perfect dress, but nothing that would make it seem that I was trying too hard. After shopping in 20 stores in 4 different states, I finally found the dress! My sister sighed a sigh of relief and told me she wasn't going to talk to me for at least 2 weeks. I can be really demanding when I want something!
The wedding was just amazing. The bride glowing, the groom grinning - it was a sight to be seen. Right when I get there, I see the ex. It's good to see him, actually! And I like his girlfriend, which is weird and awesome at the same time. I sit with one of my friends and he says to me, "Oh god, I'm so glad you are here!" which is always nice to hear. I have to keep my people happy, yo! In the row in front of us sat five dudes. I thought to myself, "things might be looking up! There might be some cute single dudes here. NICE!" Then I immediately thought, "Keep it cool, keep it cool. Don't be awkward. Oh god, I'm going to be really awkward. Fuck." I notice one guy in particular checking me out. Score!
Flash forward to the wedding dinner. They sat me at the same table as my ex. Awesome. In all honesty though, it was nice to talk to him and just have fun. I also sat next to this really fun chick that I went to college with, so it was all good. Oh, what's that!? That guy is looking at me from his table. Not so sneaky! I seeee you! I didn't end up talking to this guy until the LAST SONG. He would occasionally glance my way, but that was it! I was thinking, "Ok, maybe is just wondering who I am and what I'm doing here. NO! NO! I look fucking CUTE. He's definitely checking me out."
So, he finally asks me to dance. Mind you, this is the last song and the only other people dancing are the people in the wedding party. I feel immediately awkward, of course, but he turns out to be a really cool guy. He is friends with everyone from Philly. We ended up hanging out at the after party at the bar, then the after after party in my hotel room. HEY-O! Hold your horses, there were other people there too and we were trying to decide what pizza place to order from. Flash forward an hour when we discover that all the pizza places are closed.
During this time, I find out that the guy doesn't have a room to stay in for the night; he was just planning to crash with someone. Who comes to a wedding without a place to stay? Really? So, No Room, here and I are definitely hitting it off, despite the fact that he came to a wedding without a place to stay. By the time everyone is leaving, I say, "Well, you can just crash here. On the floor. If you want." So awkward. But it worked. He ended up staying in my room (I swear I'm not a hussy!), and we ended up just making out for awhile then passing out. Seriously, just making out. I'm a lady.
Morning rolls around, we make out a little more. And then, I realize it's bordering on 10am and there was supposed to be a brunch that I really want to go to. How do I get him to leave my room? I was practically twiddling my thumbs as we were making out, because I was just waiting for him to smoothly make an exit. I wanted to get up and shower and eat. I'm so finicky sometimes! But he just stayed right there in my bed. Trying to seduce me. Rough life I lead. Finally, I was like, OK I'm kicking you out. I need to get up. It's now around 10:30ish.
I see him down at the brunch, play it cool (read: try to completely ignore him because I feel slightly awkward). I actually don't do so bad. We talk a little then say our goodbyes. All-in-all I had fun hanging out with him, but it was a bit of an insane situation. He didn't have a room? What?
Flash forward, two weeks later, I got a facebook message from him (yes, he friended me) that was prefaced with, "you may find this to be a little weird." Um, ok? Good start, buddy. You got me on the edge of my seat just wanting to know how weird I am going to feel. He ended up asking me if I wanted to go to a wedding with him over Labor Day weekend. Exsqueeze me? Forward much? How about, how are you? Wanna go out on a date sometime? Maybe I should have called you to ask you this question, since it's kind of a big deal? Maybe we should get to know each other a little better, before we are forced to stay in a hotel room together for a weekend with all of our mutual friends? AWWwwwkkkwaaard. I had to let him down easy, mostly because I have plans for the holiday weekend, but I still wouldn't have gone. That's just not my style! I'm a lady!
SIIIIiiighh. Good times all around, but there were definitely some interesting moments. Turns out, I'm not the most awkward person in the world! Isn't that a mindfuck?
Weddings are great. They are usually a lot of fun and who doesn't like seeing their friends having the times of their lives uniting as a couple! Well, probably a lot of bitter (read: ugly) people, who think they will never find love or a decent relationship. Well, that ain't so, lady eating from the 16 oz ice cream carton (read: me). As the saying goes, there is someone out there for everyone! That particular someone for me is my cat. Sigh.
My friends got married a couple of weeks ago. They are really good friends from college and I was over the top excited for this wedding. Though, I was a little hesitant, because a) I'm single and b) my ex-boyfriend was going to be there with his current girlfriend. There isn't any bad blood between me and my ex, but those situations always tend to be a little awkward no matter how cool you play it (read: I'm extremely awkward). I had to make sure I had the perfect dress, but nothing that would make it seem that I was trying too hard. After shopping in 20 stores in 4 different states, I finally found the dress! My sister sighed a sigh of relief and told me she wasn't going to talk to me for at least 2 weeks. I can be really demanding when I want something!
The wedding was just amazing. The bride glowing, the groom grinning - it was a sight to be seen. Right when I get there, I see the ex. It's good to see him, actually! And I like his girlfriend, which is weird and awesome at the same time. I sit with one of my friends and he says to me, "Oh god, I'm so glad you are here!" which is always nice to hear. I have to keep my people happy, yo! In the row in front of us sat five dudes. I thought to myself, "things might be looking up! There might be some cute single dudes here. NICE!" Then I immediately thought, "Keep it cool, keep it cool. Don't be awkward. Oh god, I'm going to be really awkward. Fuck." I notice one guy in particular checking me out. Score!
Flash forward to the wedding dinner. They sat me at the same table as my ex. Awesome. In all honesty though, it was nice to talk to him and just have fun. I also sat next to this really fun chick that I went to college with, so it was all good. Oh, what's that!? That guy is looking at me from his table. Not so sneaky! I seeee you! I didn't end up talking to this guy until the LAST SONG. He would occasionally glance my way, but that was it! I was thinking, "Ok, maybe is just wondering who I am and what I'm doing here. NO! NO! I look fucking CUTE. He's definitely checking me out."
So, he finally asks me to dance. Mind you, this is the last song and the only other people dancing are the people in the wedding party. I feel immediately awkward, of course, but he turns out to be a really cool guy. He is friends with everyone from Philly. We ended up hanging out at the after party at the bar, then the after after party in my hotel room. HEY-O! Hold your horses, there were other people there too and we were trying to decide what pizza place to order from. Flash forward an hour when we discover that all the pizza places are closed.
During this time, I find out that the guy doesn't have a room to stay in for the night; he was just planning to crash with someone. Who comes to a wedding without a place to stay? Really? So, No Room, here and I are definitely hitting it off, despite the fact that he came to a wedding without a place to stay. By the time everyone is leaving, I say, "Well, you can just crash here. On the floor. If you want." So awkward. But it worked. He ended up staying in my room (I swear I'm not a hussy!), and we ended up just making out for awhile then passing out. Seriously, just making out. I'm a lady.
Morning rolls around, we make out a little more. And then, I realize it's bordering on 10am and there was supposed to be a brunch that I really want to go to. How do I get him to leave my room? I was practically twiddling my thumbs as we were making out, because I was just waiting for him to smoothly make an exit. I wanted to get up and shower and eat. I'm so finicky sometimes! But he just stayed right there in my bed. Trying to seduce me. Rough life I lead. Finally, I was like, OK I'm kicking you out. I need to get up. It's now around 10:30ish.
I see him down at the brunch, play it cool (read: try to completely ignore him because I feel slightly awkward). I actually don't do so bad. We talk a little then say our goodbyes. All-in-all I had fun hanging out with him, but it was a bit of an insane situation. He didn't have a room? What?
Flash forward, two weeks later, I got a facebook message from him (yes, he friended me) that was prefaced with, "you may find this to be a little weird." Um, ok? Good start, buddy. You got me on the edge of my seat just wanting to know how weird I am going to feel. He ended up asking me if I wanted to go to a wedding with him over Labor Day weekend. Exsqueeze me? Forward much? How about, how are you? Wanna go out on a date sometime? Maybe I should have called you to ask you this question, since it's kind of a big deal? Maybe we should get to know each other a little better, before we are forced to stay in a hotel room together for a weekend with all of our mutual friends? AWWwwwkkkwaaard. I had to let him down easy, mostly because I have plans for the holiday weekend, but I still wouldn't have gone. That's just not my style! I'm a lady!
SIIIIiiighh. Good times all around, but there were definitely some interesting moments. Turns out, I'm not the most awkward person in the world! Isn't that a mindfuck?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Chill the F@&% Out
Ah, lazy Sundays. Right now, I'm sitting on my couch half watching the new season of Top Chef (but let's be honest, nothing compares to the first season!) with a little kitty snuggled up right next to me. No, I'm not 45 years old. I'm actually 27, but I do occasionally wear a moo-moo. What? They're comfortable!! Jeez.
Last night, I had several parties to attend, because I'm like the most popular girl (a la Teen Witch). My friend was having a milestone birthday (yeah, girl! you are flirty at thirty! and looking damn fine, I might add), and my cousin brought me to a holiday party before the big birthday bash. It was a night to remember! Too bad, I was so tired and hung over from the night before that I didn't last much longer past midnight. Did I mention that I'm not 45 years old?
Before I went out, I was napping on my couch while watching Goonies and Goonies never say die! They say pass away, it's just more formal and less harsh sounding. My friend LP gives me a holler a little while before I was about to go out. See, she had two dates planned for this weekend: one for Saturday night and one for Sunday night. Wooo-eee! I'm not gonna lie, I was a little jealous! But at the same time, so excited for her. I'm thinking that she is calling me about pre-date worries, all the stuff. But no, she calls because she thinks she being stood up. So lame!
These are the facts (sorry, I love Pushing Daisies! Something about a man being able to bring things back to life! Ooh, I'm sure he could revive my loins! Oh, wow. Over the line!): LP met this dude out at a club last Saturday night. We had a girl dance party and it ... was... awesome! I love shaking it on the dance floor! Mostly, I'm just trying to make sure that I don't fall over or spill my drink. Anyway, so he got her number and started texting her the very next day! Oohh! Nice, he's interested! He asked her out and they had plans for Saturday night. But, she never heard from him past Wednesday. And still has not heard from him! I mean, what? As she's telling me this story, I'm shaking my head with my "of course, that's so typical" look on my face.
A few weeks ago, I met this guy at an improv show. He was super cute and super into me. Woot! I went back to his place that night and had a lot of fun. I'll spare you the non-details. So, this guy was texting me during that day - the day I left his apartment - and the next day asked me out, via text message. I told him, "sure!" because I have no life, noooo, because he was super nice and cool. I'm not that desperate! Am I? I might be. Anyway. So, I never heard from him, but I did run into him again, and repeat the whole paragraph. Went home with him, da da da, texting, then nothing.
First of all, what is it with texting? I understand that it's easier to ask someone out that way, because you don't have to risk immediate rejection, but grow a pair! Give a girl a call! It's really not that hard. Suck it up if you get rejected! How else will you get accepted? Yeah, words of wisdom right there. I should copyright that shit.
Second of all, why ask someone out when you were just feigning interest in the person! I don't have time for that shit. Listen, fellas, not every girl you meet wants to marry you or even have a serious relationship with you! We have needs too. You all need to chill the fuck out. Guys are so scared that women are going to get super attached and that every woman has wedding bells in her ears constantly. Get over yourselves! I don't know if I even want to get married. So, like I said, chill the fuck out. Relax, go out with a person, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Women in New York are used to the dating scene; we are used to getting rejected and rejecting people. That's how dating works. It's not anything new. It's the same basic concept as dating in high school or college, except this time, you aren't worried about if Johnny is going to dump you in front of the whole school or via a note or if you break up and you still live on the same floor in the dorm.
I actually talked to few of my guy friends about this very topic of guys thinking that girls will get super attached. I told them to "chill the fuck out and get over yourselves." There's obviously a theme here.
So guys, if you want to go out with a girl, ask her out, then TAKE her out. Don't pretend that you want to date someone, when all you are really looking for is "does she want to date me?" I know that game. You just want some validation, then to move on. Puff up your ego a little bit, because some girl you met for a few hours wants to go out with you again. Why is that such a weird concept? It's not like we know each other well enough to get seriously offended.
Also, CALL. Texting is cute, but if you actually want to take someone out, you will call them and make plans right then and there. It's not brain surgery. Lastly, don't waste my time! I have a very busy television watching schedule, and when I set up my dvr, I expect to not be home to watch those shows. That makes no sense.
Ladies, take it all with a grain of salt! It's easier to laugh this stuff off, because when it comes down to it, women are more chilled out about dating than guys are. For sure. Like, guys are crazy scared.
Everyone else (who's not a guy or a lady), chill the fuck out.
Last night, I had several parties to attend, because I'm like the most popular girl (a la Teen Witch). My friend was having a milestone birthday (yeah, girl! you are flirty at thirty! and looking damn fine, I might add), and my cousin brought me to a holiday party before the big birthday bash. It was a night to remember! Too bad, I was so tired and hung over from the night before that I didn't last much longer past midnight. Did I mention that I'm not 45 years old?
Before I went out, I was napping on my couch while watching Goonies and Goonies never say die! They say pass away, it's just more formal and less harsh sounding. My friend LP gives me a holler a little while before I was about to go out. See, she had two dates planned for this weekend: one for Saturday night and one for Sunday night. Wooo-eee! I'm not gonna lie, I was a little jealous! But at the same time, so excited for her. I'm thinking that she is calling me about pre-date worries, all the stuff. But no, she calls because she thinks she being stood up. So lame!
These are the facts (sorry, I love Pushing Daisies! Something about a man being able to bring things back to life! Ooh, I'm sure he could revive my loins! Oh, wow. Over the line!): LP met this dude out at a club last Saturday night. We had a girl dance party and it ... was... awesome! I love shaking it on the dance floor! Mostly, I'm just trying to make sure that I don't fall over or spill my drink. Anyway, so he got her number and started texting her the very next day! Oohh! Nice, he's interested! He asked her out and they had plans for Saturday night. But, she never heard from him past Wednesday. And still has not heard from him! I mean, what? As she's telling me this story, I'm shaking my head with my "of course, that's so typical" look on my face.
A few weeks ago, I met this guy at an improv show. He was super cute and super into me. Woot! I went back to his place that night and had a lot of fun. I'll spare you the non-details. So, this guy was texting me during that day - the day I left his apartment - and the next day asked me out, via text message. I told him, "sure!" because I have no life, noooo, because he was super nice and cool. I'm not that desperate! Am I? I might be. Anyway. So, I never heard from him, but I did run into him again, and repeat the whole paragraph. Went home with him, da da da, texting, then nothing.
First of all, what is it with texting? I understand that it's easier to ask someone out that way, because you don't have to risk immediate rejection, but grow a pair! Give a girl a call! It's really not that hard. Suck it up if you get rejected! How else will you get accepted? Yeah, words of wisdom right there. I should copyright that shit.
Second of all, why ask someone out when you were just feigning interest in the person! I don't have time for that shit. Listen, fellas, not every girl you meet wants to marry you or even have a serious relationship with you! We have needs too. You all need to chill the fuck out. Guys are so scared that women are going to get super attached and that every woman has wedding bells in her ears constantly. Get over yourselves! I don't know if I even want to get married. So, like I said, chill the fuck out. Relax, go out with a person, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Women in New York are used to the dating scene; we are used to getting rejected and rejecting people. That's how dating works. It's not anything new. It's the same basic concept as dating in high school or college, except this time, you aren't worried about if Johnny is going to dump you in front of the whole school or via a note or if you break up and you still live on the same floor in the dorm.
I actually talked to few of my guy friends about this very topic of guys thinking that girls will get super attached. I told them to "chill the fuck out and get over yourselves." There's obviously a theme here.
So guys, if you want to go out with a girl, ask her out, then TAKE her out. Don't pretend that you want to date someone, when all you are really looking for is "does she want to date me?" I know that game. You just want some validation, then to move on. Puff up your ego a little bit, because some girl you met for a few hours wants to go out with you again. Why is that such a weird concept? It's not like we know each other well enough to get seriously offended.
Also, CALL. Texting is cute, but if you actually want to take someone out, you will call them and make plans right then and there. It's not brain surgery. Lastly, don't waste my time! I have a very busy television watching schedule, and when I set up my dvr, I expect to not be home to watch those shows. That makes no sense.
Ladies, take it all with a grain of salt! It's easier to laugh this stuff off, because when it comes down to it, women are more chilled out about dating than guys are. For sure. Like, guys are crazy scared.
Everyone else (who's not a guy or a lady), chill the fuck out.
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