Jealousy Does Not Become You

I'm about to get serious on your asses! You betta believe! I'm hung over on a rainy Sunday evening, so there is some great television to watch right now. Including all three Lord of the Rings movies. Score! It's an addiction, I have to watch them when they are on TV. I have no idea why. Alas, you don't want to hear about my awesome TV choices! So, I'll dive right in...

All I know about jealousy, I learned from watching True Life: I'm Jealous , which chronicles three young couples (all around or under 18 years of age, so you know, the most mature relationships ever) who suffer because of their jealousy of each other. Either both people in the relationship have cheated or just one has so that's where the jealousy stems from. It's just insane to me for several reasons: a) I can't ever imagine staying with someone who has cheated on me, but I can't say for sure, because I've never been there and b) wake up kids! you are 18 years old! Dump the jealous asshole giving you a hard time (that goes for you too fellas!) Jealousy is not an emotion I completely understand. To me, it's irrational and just brings out the ugliest in most people.

Some people! I mean really. Why can't everyone be perfect like me? So, this whole episode got me thinking about jealousy. About three years ago, I was dating this guy, hm, we'll call him Jake (like Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles!) for anonymity purposes, not like he'll ever read this. I haven't talked to him for three years with good reason. He was a sweet guy, but a bit of a stoner. I always go for the stoner musician. He was both. Typical Anne! Why do I like the slacker crooners? There is no good reason, except maybe they'll write a song about me and wouldn't that just be... like amazing!!!! Ok, sorry.

So, Jake was a good boyfriend for awhile. He would take me out to dinner. (Oh and as a side bar, we were roommates. That's how we met. It was so awkward for our other roommate - my current roommate. I always felt so guilty about that. Bad idea!) We got along really well and acted like kids and just made out all the time. It was excellent. And so high school. He just had this really jealous streak in him with no real reason to back it up. I have never cheated on a boyfriend and I never gave him the impression that I would. I was completely infatuated with him - I mean he was, like, a total babe! Too many 80s and 90s references... He was jealous of my friendship with my bff and thought I was hooking up with her. Uh, what? Just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean that she makes out with all the girls that she knows. And he was also self-concious because I had dated more guys that he had (but with girls). It was ridiculous.

Around Halloween-time, I was trying to come up with good costume ideas that would go with my glasses. I forgot to get contacts in time. Sad. So I came up with the genious idea to be Jan Brady for Halloween! I know, awesome, right? I went to Target after work with one of my good pals to pick up a doll, you know, for my George Glass (as many of you should know, Jan made up a boyfriend and called him GG. She's my hero), and I ended up buying a Ken doll. Perfect! I meet up with Jake back at our place and I'm super excited to tell him about the costume, because I think it's so funny and I am never good at coming up with costume ideas.

Once I told him what I was being and the whole George Glass shpeal, he says "What? A fake boyfriend? I'm your boyfriend. What am I supposed to do that night? You are going to be telling people you have a fake boyfriend. Do you know how that is going to make me feel?" Um, exca-uuuuuuse me? Really? Really??? I honestly did not know what to say to him. It was the stupidest thing I had ever heard, literally, the dumbest. What an idiot! We got into the biggest fight that night because of a fucking Ken doll. Redonk.

He ended up apologizing profusely only after we had a screaming match and I kept telling him to leave me alone and he kept on bothering me. That's so fun when people do that! Keep talking to you when you tell them to leave you the hell alone. It really makes you want to forgive them right then and there. Riiiiiight. So, he ended up punching a hole in the wall near where he punched the wall before because he was mad at me for not cheating on him and being a good girlfriend and cooking for him. Nice one, buddy. We broke up that night, obviously.

When I think of this story now, I just have to laugh. I don't know if it was immaturity on his behalf or if he had been hurt some way by a girl before. I just don't know. It was so crazy to me. He was so crazy to me. Woo! It was quite an adventure! That relationship. I really never knew what was going to happen. Jealousy, I will never understand you! You ugly bitch! People just become monsters when they are jealous of their partner.

Ok, I can't say that I'm perfect and have never been jealous, but I've never been so jealous that it hurts another person's feelings. You have to know your limits, people. Give a lady (or fella) her (or his) space, for crying out loud. Nobody's perfect (except for me, most of the time). I just did it again! I said I wouldn't say I was perfect. It's just so hard. I'm almost perfect.

Sigh. Rainy Sundays make me so introspective! I'm exhausted from lying on the couch! I'm going to do more of that now.