Hi all out there in cyberspace! Did that statement just date me? Because it seems so 1995 to say something like that. Anyway, things are going well in Anne dating land lately and in my life in general, so to speak. I decided to take this time to reflect on why this blog is in existence for all of you out there pondering, thinking or wondering about it.
Moving to New York in my early to mid-twenties (no longer early and the mid is waining on accuracy) has been a shell shocking experience that has led me on some wonderful, scary, crazy and truly amazing adventures. A lot of these so-called adventures have occurred in the company of the opposite sex. Well, the experiences that have left the most impression on me. My girlfriends and I get into some crazy situations too! I'm hip!
Men are interesting creatures, especially when they begin to think you have the smallest interest in them. For some reason, they turn into complete cads and think they have to be assholes to get the point across that, no, they don't want to hook up with you. Dude, I will get the point without you being a complete dickhead and telling me about some stupid obscure story that is slightly offensive to all women. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm smart enough to get subtle hints.
So, the other night after my improv class, we all went out for drinks to try to "get to know each other." This class, for some reason, has only 5 women and 11 dudes. I walked in on the first day like, "Am I in the right place?" Lots o beef. Oh yeah. Or not. So, we're all out at the bar, sharing our other creative ventures besides improv, so I mention that I write a dating blog. The one dude (we shall call him J-face) says to me in the most pompous tone, "Oh, yeah like you didn't get that idea from Sex and the City or anything. Real original."
Literally, I was in shock. I wasn't even flirting with the guy or asking for his opinion for that matter. I just wanted to hang out and have a few beers with some compadres, but for some reason single women are seen as predators (I will eat you alive if you don't watch it!). His statement and the way he said it was just so unnecessarily aggressive. He continued to say completely inappropriate things to me the rest of the night, almost like a little boy pulling a little girl's hair to let her know that he liked her and that he probably had a potential career as a spouse abuser in the future. Congrats to you!
J-face says that I can interview him for my blog (oh joy!), so I begin to interview him about his dating life. Turns out, he has a girlfriend and has had one for the past six months, but prior to the girlfriend, he had been just dating around with no objective. A bit like what I'm doing at the moment. Also, turns out, his answers were boring and not even worth writing about.
We ended up getting into a conversation with another improv buddy (E) of mine about dating. J-face decides to give him advice with the ladies. He tells E (who is adorable, hilarious, and 23 years old), that in order to break the ice on a date, he should tell a joke. I was like, no way, just be yourself. The joke he told E to tell was, and I quote, "What type of bees produce milk?... Boobies!" What? Am I suddenly 11 years old again and feeling extremely uncomfortable about a joke referencing the female anatomy? Yes.
This is the mentality of some of the men I come across in my humble (yet awesome!) life. I totally shot down the joke idea, but my advice didn't go over so well. I mean honestly, if some guy told me that joke on a first date, I would pretend that I wasn't really his date and there was some sort of mix-up.
Don't get me wrong, there are some great and amazing guys out there, and I know this. I mean, I keep telling myself this. It's like a mantra of mine. I know some of these amazing guys. They do exist! They are not unicorns. They are real. It's just the super lame ones always stick in my head, because of all of the idiotic things that come out of their mouths. Like jokes about boobies.
Oh! And I was telling my friend about J-face the other night. She told me that our friend had actually gone out on a date with him a few months ago, and he was a complete ass on the date (shocker!). She found out later that he had a girlfriend. One word, classy.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
CBD Parts 2&3
So the Crazy Blind Dating adventures of last week have come to a close, but certainly not for good. It's such a great way to get "back in the dating scene," if you will. Not that I was ever really out of if, but I wasn't actively pursuing any real options. I used to say, "I find dating to be frivolously," (in my pretentious I really really don't care, but I do, voice) which I somewhat still believe.
In all honesty, dating is full of many rituals and protocol. First you learn the person's name. Usually what follows is what they do for a living, furthered by if they always wanted to do what they do. Then followed up with extra-curricular activities. I mean there is also room for story telling and random banter, but that can only happen if you really hit it off with a person.
So, let's take for instance Part 2 of CBD. I meet this guy at a swank place - way too swank for either of us. We ended up having one drink each then going to an Irish pub for some beers. Well, right off the bat, he starts telling me some random stories about him and his friend who frequent a pretty well-known bar in the city and how they always end up being the center of attention with their ability to cut a mean rug. I ask him, "Now do you attract all the attention because you are an amazing dancer? Or is it because you get ridiculously drunk and make a fool of yourself?" He answers, what I believe is honestly, "A little bit of both" (with a cute smile I might add).
He continues to tell really random stories and I share a few myself. I thought he was messing with half the time just to see if I would react to what he was saying, but not much really fazes me anymore these days. (I even told him later in the night that I thought he was messing with me. I have no gauge. I am too honest sometimes.) We ended up having a really great time hanging out with one another and the subject of "what we do" never came up until we were well into our first beer at the second bar. This, for me, was a definite sign of a good date. We ended up walking to the subway together and making out on a crusty subway platform (HOT!), but I seriously doubt I'll hear from him again. He didn't seem like the type to call.
CBD Part 3 was much like Part 1. The guy I met up with ended up talking a lot about himself, not really giving me a chance to speak about anything. And at this point I had been on three dates in three nights, so small talk wasn't coming so easy to me. The bonus of this date, though, was I got to experience an awesome bar that I had never been to before. Score for hidden places in NYC! The guy was nice enough, but I really couldn't hear anymore about the lighting company that he worked for and blah blah blah. That's what it sounded like by the end of the night. I was also coming down with a cold, so my patience was waining for many reasons.
(And as an aside, he was definitely flirting with the bartender at one point. I didn't really care . Is that bad? She looked extremely uncomfortable with the situation though.)
I went out to dinner with a few of my girlfriends the next night (screw the cold!), and talked about my date Part 3. My friend / guru had had a very similar experience the night before, as she had tried out CBD as well. She said that anytime she would try to relate to whatever the guy was talking about, he would listen, but then continue on with his point. Exactly what was happening with me! Weird.
I don't get it. Isn't normal conversation just a big jumble of different stories and points of view? Isn't that what makes life interesting? Finding that relation with another human being, rather than just talking about whatever stupid point you are trying to make. Making a connection. Isn't that the whole point of dating?
I may be wrong, but let's face it, I rarely am. I predict that the change from extremely cold to warm is the cause of my cold. I'm probably right about that.
In all honesty, dating is full of many rituals and protocol. First you learn the person's name. Usually what follows is what they do for a living, furthered by if they always wanted to do what they do. Then followed up with extra-curricular activities. I mean there is also room for story telling and random banter, but that can only happen if you really hit it off with a person.
So, let's take for instance Part 2 of CBD. I meet this guy at a swank place - way too swank for either of us. We ended up having one drink each then going to an Irish pub for some beers. Well, right off the bat, he starts telling me some random stories about him and his friend who frequent a pretty well-known bar in the city and how they always end up being the center of attention with their ability to cut a mean rug. I ask him, "Now do you attract all the attention because you are an amazing dancer? Or is it because you get ridiculously drunk and make a fool of yourself?" He answers, what I believe is honestly, "A little bit of both" (with a cute smile I might add).
He continues to tell really random stories and I share a few myself. I thought he was messing with half the time just to see if I would react to what he was saying, but not much really fazes me anymore these days. (I even told him later in the night that I thought he was messing with me. I have no gauge. I am too honest sometimes.) We ended up having a really great time hanging out with one another and the subject of "what we do" never came up until we were well into our first beer at the second bar. This, for me, was a definite sign of a good date. We ended up walking to the subway together and making out on a crusty subway platform (HOT!), but I seriously doubt I'll hear from him again. He didn't seem like the type to call.
CBD Part 3 was much like Part 1. The guy I met up with ended up talking a lot about himself, not really giving me a chance to speak about anything. And at this point I had been on three dates in three nights, so small talk wasn't coming so easy to me. The bonus of this date, though, was I got to experience an awesome bar that I had never been to before. Score for hidden places in NYC! The guy was nice enough, but I really couldn't hear anymore about the lighting company that he worked for and blah blah blah. That's what it sounded like by the end of the night. I was also coming down with a cold, so my patience was waining for many reasons.
(And as an aside, he was definitely flirting with the bartender at one point. I didn't really care . Is that bad? She looked extremely uncomfortable with the situation though.)
I went out to dinner with a few of my girlfriends the next night (screw the cold!), and talked about my date Part 3. My friend / guru had had a very similar experience the night before, as she had tried out CBD as well. She said that anytime she would try to relate to whatever the guy was talking about, he would listen, but then continue on with his point. Exactly what was happening with me! Weird.
I don't get it. Isn't normal conversation just a big jumble of different stories and points of view? Isn't that what makes life interesting? Finding that relation with another human being, rather than just talking about whatever stupid point you are trying to make. Making a connection. Isn't that the whole point of dating?
I may be wrong, but let's face it, I rarely am. I predict that the change from extremely cold to warm is the cause of my cold. I'm probably right about that.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Crrrazy Blind Dating
Aah, it's been so long! Oh how I've missed you and I know you have been missing me, my loyal readers (all five of you!!!! Hi everyone). It's been a busy holiday season for me with many fun stories to be told. I have made a new year's resolution (that I have been testing out pre-New Year's Eve), which is to put myself out in the dating game as much as possible. I am full force! Not that I lack confidence, but I think dating can be extremely awkward, so I figured, the more I do it, the less awkward it will be. Here's hoping!
In the holiday spirit, a couple of my girlfriends and I went ice skating about a week ago. We thought it would be a fun alternative to the bar scene, and we were right! It was such a fun night, but my legs were super sore the next day from dodging all the fallen children (they really go down like dominoes). As we were lacing up to hit the ice my one friend says, "this has to be the worst place ever to find a single man." As I look around, all I can see are little children and happy couples gleefully skating on the very rough ice. That's not what this night is about anyway!
As the Zamboni starts eliminating all the jacked up ice, we sit around and talk in the cold. My friend mentioned a new dating site to me (www.crazyblinddate.com) and how she tried it out and really liked it. Basically instead of going through all the ridiculousness of finding someone through online dating, they do it for you! You just enter in your information and hope that Prince Charming is waiting for on the other e-side. This sounds a-ma-zing. Why not try it out!?
I decided to set up a few dates, and by a few, I mean I set up three right in a row. Oops! I got a little over zealous about the whole thing, because it's a guaranteed date (wow, I sound pathetic right now). You literally just have to answer a few questions about yourself, and what you are looking for in a person, and they match you up. You can also give feedback after the date, so they can continue to narrow down the pool of fine men for you. I hope they do well, because it's such a great concept, especially for pathetic New Yorkers much like myself.
Last night was my very first crazy blind date! It was definitely a good time and I was impressed by their pick. He was a very nice guy with lots to say, mostly about himself, but he was nice. I don't think I got more than 50 words in - and you say, "50! that's a lot!" Oh, no honey, not on a two hour date and not when you're me. He really liked talking about his boring job and how his friends own a few bars that he likes to go to. He didn't really ask me too many questions about myself, but when you are that awesome, why do you need to find out about anyone else! I mean, really.
He ended up paying for everything, which was very nice. Don't get me wrong, I had a fun time, but he isn't the man for me. He got my number after the date, which I am so bad at saying no to. And in this day of cell phones, you can never give someone the wrong number because they immediately call your phone so you have their number. How awkward when your phone just doesn't ring. Anyway, he ended up texting me last night about an hour after the date asking me out again. Awww. I feel liked! But then I felt really bad that I had to shoot him down via text message today. Ick. I feel dirty.
My roommate made an interesting observation this morning when she said, "it's so interesting how two people can have a completely different perception of what's going on." So true, so true. He liked me, but I felt like he never got to know me in the least because I didn't really talk too much the whole time. Ah, the foils of love! Or is it spoils? Or does that just not make any sense? I certainly don't know!
Onward! I am going out on another crazy blind date tonight, so hopefully it will go better or will be on the same playing level as last night. I'm really not expecting too much, which I think is helpful in these situations.
Ugh, I'm still feeling like a jerk turning that guy down. K, now I'm over it.
UPDATE: I totally forgot to include this in the run down. I told the dude last night who my favorite band was in high school and college (Weezer - hey, they were pretty rockin') and he proceeded to tell me that he saw them live once. He said he thought Rivers Cuomo was arrogant because he had his back to the crowd for a couple of songs. He incidentally gave them a bad review in some magazine he was writing for. Not the way to win a girl's heart, buddy! Try again next time. I heart Rivers Cuomo.
In the holiday spirit, a couple of my girlfriends and I went ice skating about a week ago. We thought it would be a fun alternative to the bar scene, and we were right! It was such a fun night, but my legs were super sore the next day from dodging all the fallen children (they really go down like dominoes). As we were lacing up to hit the ice my one friend says, "this has to be the worst place ever to find a single man." As I look around, all I can see are little children and happy couples gleefully skating on the very rough ice. That's not what this night is about anyway!
As the Zamboni starts eliminating all the jacked up ice, we sit around and talk in the cold. My friend mentioned a new dating site to me (www.crazyblinddate.com) and how she tried it out and really liked it. Basically instead of going through all the ridiculousness of finding someone through online dating, they do it for you! You just enter in your information and hope that Prince Charming is waiting for on the other e-side. This sounds a-ma-zing. Why not try it out!?
I decided to set up a few dates, and by a few, I mean I set up three right in a row. Oops! I got a little over zealous about the whole thing, because it's a guaranteed date (wow, I sound pathetic right now). You literally just have to answer a few questions about yourself, and what you are looking for in a person, and they match you up. You can also give feedback after the date, so they can continue to narrow down the pool of fine men for you. I hope they do well, because it's such a great concept, especially for pathetic New Yorkers much like myself.
Last night was my very first crazy blind date! It was definitely a good time and I was impressed by their pick. He was a very nice guy with lots to say, mostly about himself, but he was nice. I don't think I got more than 50 words in - and you say, "50! that's a lot!" Oh, no honey, not on a two hour date and not when you're me. He really liked talking about his boring job and how his friends own a few bars that he likes to go to. He didn't really ask me too many questions about myself, but when you are that awesome, why do you need to find out about anyone else! I mean, really.
He ended up paying for everything, which was very nice. Don't get me wrong, I had a fun time, but he isn't the man for me. He got my number after the date, which I am so bad at saying no to. And in this day of cell phones, you can never give someone the wrong number because they immediately call your phone so you have their number. How awkward when your phone just doesn't ring. Anyway, he ended up texting me last night about an hour after the date asking me out again. Awww. I feel liked! But then I felt really bad that I had to shoot him down via text message today. Ick. I feel dirty.
My roommate made an interesting observation this morning when she said, "it's so interesting how two people can have a completely different perception of what's going on." So true, so true. He liked me, but I felt like he never got to know me in the least because I didn't really talk too much the whole time. Ah, the foils of love! Or is it spoils? Or does that just not make any sense? I certainly don't know!
Onward! I am going out on another crazy blind date tonight, so hopefully it will go better or will be on the same playing level as last night. I'm really not expecting too much, which I think is helpful in these situations.
Ugh, I'm still feeling like a jerk turning that guy down. K, now I'm over it.
UPDATE: I totally forgot to include this in the run down. I told the dude last night who my favorite band was in high school and college (Weezer - hey, they were pretty rockin') and he proceeded to tell me that he saw them live once. He said he thought Rivers Cuomo was arrogant because he had his back to the crowd for a couple of songs. He incidentally gave them a bad review in some magazine he was writing for. Not the way to win a girl's heart, buddy! Try again next time. I heart Rivers Cuomo.
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