Allergy Hilarity

Today I had to take a good ole trip to the allergist. You see, I haven't been able to breath out of my nose for the past two weeks - SEXY - so I decided it was time to see an expert of the nose. I can't be hitting on dudes while mouth breathing, it's just, um, not ok. I would have to "come up for air" while making out. So not cute.

The allergist is an adorable little Jewish Brooklyn man. He won my heart over within five minutes of our consultation; I believe it was right after he told me he did some stand-up comedy. What!? A comedian allergist! Hilarious!

So, I had to get some tests done by the PA before meeting again with my little comedic demon of a doctor. He pricked me with about 50 needles on my forearms. Just to add to the hotness of having allergies, I was now marked as one with allergies. The world is doomed! She who is marked as allergic liiiiivvveess!!! AAaaarrrggh!!

I also had to get an asthma test at the same time. We have to cover every 13 year old's fear during this visit. Next I thought they were going to tell me I had to get braces and that Johnny didn't want to go out with me. Sad.

The following conversation happened:

PA: Ok, so we are going to do an asthma test.

Me: Alright.

PA: Stand here and hold this (hands me a tube). Now, you are going to hold this at your waist and when I tell you, put it in your mouth and blow.

Me: Ok.

PA: Put it in your mouth.

Me: (blows)

PA: Ok, we are going to do this again. This time, I want you to put it further in your mouth past your teeth. When I say, put it in your mouth... blow.

Me: (trying not to laugh) Ok.

PA: Put it in your mouth.

Me: (blows)

It took a lot, a lot, for me not to laugh in his face. He was very forceful telling me to put it in my mouth... over and over again. I was like, dude, chill. At least take me on a date first! For reals.

Meanwhile back with the comedian allergist... Apparently he had gotten a few negative comments on City Search and was really self-conscious about the remarks. So self-conscious that he took it upon himself to explain the reason for one of the negative comments. He then asked me to endorse his listing on Yelp. He said that he was trying to develop his profile there. I took it upon myself to throw a little comedy into the mix.

Me: Oh, so you are trying to de-yelp-op it?

Comedy Doc: (blank stare)

Me: De-yel-op it?

Comedy Doc: (blank stare... blinks)

Me: Get it??? De-yelpop ... de-yelp ... (trails off)

Comedy Doc: Uh, huh. Well, here are some nose sprays...

He obviously knows nothing about comedy.