Twitter Twatter

Today I decided it was time that I get with it and join the latest social networking craze about two years late. I'm SO on top of the times. I just bought a snap bracelet! I hope they are still cool (UPDATE: They are! And I have the wrist bruises to prove it). So, I joined Twitter. So, I left Twitter. All in one day! I've been quite productive. If I do nothing else for the rest of the day, I will feel like I accomplished something! Cocktail time!

My friend, the minx, kept telling me that I needed to join Twitter to get my blog out to the public and to "share the Annie love!" Aww, so sweet! She likes me, she really likes me! The minx, as you can deduce from her code name, is quite one sexy bitch and I just had to listen to her. So, I finally broke down and decided to join this whole status updatey thing that everyone has been telling me about. I mean, what could go wrong! Everything apparently.

I didn't realize that I should probably set up a separate email account and not use my real name, because, you know, I talk about actual people on this blog and that's a big no no in the world of the Internet. I would actually feel bad if someone read something about themselves on here (which actually did happen once, but that is for another entry!).

So, I signed up and at the same time, since I was feeling soooo productive, I set up a fan page on Facebook for the blog and I linked the two. Ah, man. What am I doing? All the while I'm thinking, how I'm really getting shit done today - SO PRODUCTIVE. Meanwhile, this is not a good idea. This is really not a good idea. Twitter prompts you to "follow" people right when you sign up, so of course I select all these wonderful people that I know, but that wasn't the point of me signing up for Twitter. The point was to be anonymous with the blog and let people I don't know read it.

It all just started snowballing. My name was "AwkwardDating," so that I could just write stupid updates about how weird and awkward I am. (Side note: I deleted the Facebook page like 5 min after creating it, but not before invited a ton of people to become a fan. SIGH. I should not be allowed on the Internet.) So, immediately people start following me and sending messages to me. It was complete overload. And a lot of the people sending me messages had never read the blog, but thankfully I didn't actually link to the blog yet. This little fact did not stop me from freaking out for my entire brunch.

I left my apartment a few minutes after changing my social networking life forever only to feel a deep, deep regret. I was meeting up with friends who I haven't seen in a long time, but I could only think about the fact that I now have a Twitter account and people might find out about the blog... people I write about. Gah! What have I done!? The world is doomed! Twitter has outed me as an Internet bitch! GAH!!!!! BOOM EXPLOSION FIREWORKS PEE. All that happened in my head (and pants).

My brain could not stop thinking about the account. "What if they all find my blog?" "Will anyone ever speak to me again?" "Is it really that bad?" "What is vegan bacon?" Then, I left three extremely awkward messages for three of my friends. SUUUUPER awkward. "Hi, um, it's Anne. You are on Twitter. Um, I just set up an account and I'm freaking out. Twitter question. Call me. Ah, yeah. Uuuumm. Ha ha. Yeah, please call. I think I messed up. TWITTER!" But you should know, there were many pauses and dead air during my messages. In one of the messages, I didn't start speaking until 15 seconds after the beep, because I was almost getting hit by a car. Twitter almost killed me. Twitter almost KILLED me. Deal with that one.

Right when I walked through my door, I turned on my computer and deleted my account. All in all, I wasn't a big deal, but I still freaked out. And now, all the world is at peace and I can stop crying. Wait, no I can't. I just can't! I don't have it in me! Tears of joy and allergies!

Moral of the story: I should never attempt to pretend to be productive before 10am on a Sunday before drinking coffee. AND I realized that the Internet scares me. Someone hold me!