eFriends! Howdy! I had a friend in college who we all called Tex and he always said, Howdy, whenever he saw you. I always thought it was adorable. Anyway, I survived last night with limited coughing involved. Woo. I definitely said some weird things when I was out to dinner with my sister, brother-in-law and cousin. I warned them that the lack of human contact was having an effect on me. My sister said, "What are you talking about? You always say weird things." Ok, she has a point.
Sometimes I mention the fact that I do improv on this blog, which is true, but let's be honest, I take classes. I am on hiatus at the moment (lack of funds!), but I'm practicing in a group with some pretty awesome people just to keep up the skeeellllzz. I started taking classes a little over a year ago at the suggestion of my sister. I think she saw it as a way of channeling my "quirkiness." I was dating a guy at the time I started doing improv last year, who was less than impressed about my endeavor. He turned out to be a douche, obviously. Anyone who doesn't think someone who does something totally random just for the hell of it is pretty cool, is a douche. You can quote me on that. I give you permission.
Naturally, when you take a class or join some type of group (like AA or something, not to be insensitive!), you will meet new people. Fact of life. So, I was thinking that I would probably be meeting some cute, funny dudes in the process of comedy-izing myself. What? I don't know. Things were rocky with me and douche anyway, so I was a lookin'. My coworkers always ask me about my class and social life in general. I'm so popular. So, I told them that I thought it would also be a good opportunity to meet someone. My boss immediately said, "All women think that! Women take classes to learn a skill and possibly meet a guy. Guys take classes to learn a skill. Period." Truer words and so on.
In the UCB handbook of class taking, if you miss a class, you have to make it up in another group. We always had different people in our class from week to week making up for their absences. I would try not to crush on anyone in my class until it was over just to avoid awkwardness, but that rule does not apply to visitors! Oh no no no! They are fair game. Sweet! One week in particular, a super cute, funny boy audited into the class for the day (this is long after douche and I broke up and I had already taken a few levels). Suuuuper cute. I'm a school girl at heart. Can't help it. We usually go out for drinks at the end of each class, so naturally I asked cute boy if he wanted to go out for a drink with us. Naturally, he said yes. Can't resist the smile! Oh yeah.
Long story short, we ended up going to show at the UCB Theatre after drinks and he asked me for my number. Score! And he texted me the next night just to say hi. Double score! I was like, awesome, this kid likes me! And he's so cute! And funny! So, that Friday, I grew a pair and asked him if he wanted to hang out, so he invited me to this Human Giant thing going on at the MTV studios. I was like, um ok. I was thinking more of a drink and some spit swapping, but comedy in Times Square, sure. We ended up agreeing to meet outside the studios. I got there a little late, so I was freaking out a bit. Times Square on a Friday night (or any night of the week, for that matter) sucks. Monkey balls. Big ones. I live in Brooklyn for a reason.
So here I am, in the middle of Times Square, waiting. He hasn't answered my call or text. I'm in the middle of Times fucking Square. I randomly ran into his friend who I met the other night, who is a pretty cool chick, but a total improv geek. We stand around and bullshit some and she keeps trying to make jokes. She asks where the dude is and I have no clue. He isn't returning her calls either, and I'm starting to get a really bad feeling. So making friendly conversation I ask her who else is coming along. She says, "Oh it's just him and his girlfriend who is like so gorgeous you want to hate her." Uh, what? I don't even know how to react at all. "Oh, cool." I start laughing hysterically, on the inside. Of course! Of course. This stuff only happens to me. I swear! This is just too much right now.
Eventually, I told her I was going to meet up with some friends in Brooklyn. I didn't exactly have plans, but my friend, Double D, said that she would be around. I immediately call her to tell her the situation, and she tells me to meet her at the bar. I ended up getting shitty wasted until 4am with her and a few other friends who showed up. It was a pretty sweet night once I got back to Brooklyn, I have to say! But honestly, what the F! What was he thinking? He was clearly giving me signals of being single and wanting to hang out. Guys with girlfriends don't get other girls' numbers then contact them immediately with cute text messages. The guy is a complete dog.
People amaze me on a daily basis! Really they do! Sometimes in a good way and sometimes by leaving me stranded in Times Square on a Friday night with a girl I barely know only to make awkward conversation for 20 minutes. Oh, and I almost forgot. He texted, texted, me that Tuesday to apologize. Tuesday. He also apologized for not apologizing sooner. I told him it was a really shitty thing to do and he can suck it. I didn't write the last part, but when I was texting him, I rolled my eyes like no other. Take that, sucka! Feel the burn.
I almost had a run in with him recently (the whole Times Square thing happened about 8 months ago). He was sitting at a table with my friend who I was talking to, but I didn't notice him until I was almost done with my conversation (I was drunk, shh), and I only noticed him out of the corner of my eye. My friend who I was with passed by and said we were going, so I just left. Phew! Close call! I don't think I could have even been slightly nice to him. Not that I'm bitter, I just think he's a shitty person.
Ah, good times. Yes. Ok, I had one too many Guinness last night and now I need some bacon fat and cheese. Sexy. Stay beautiful. I will. Especially once I get some bacon fat.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
She's a Strange One
The sickness is passing! Today is the first day in a week that I woke up feeling more like a normal human being rather than a mucus monster from outer space! muahaha. My head is much clearer and sentences are being formed much easier. And lo and behold, the backspace key is working and my filter is back up! Except for that outer space part, I apologize.
As my loyal readers (whose readership, I'm sure is dwindling, since I have left you out in the cold for so long) know, I am not normal by any means. Sure, I may seem like a normal, nice, sweet girl on the outside, but once you start to get to know me and I start to feel really comfortable with you (which, by the way, doesn't take very long), you start to see my very strange side. I attribute much of this to my lack of friends as a small child. My mom told me that she would find me in the basement numerous times just playing by myself with My Little Ponies or Barbie (suuuper girly). I think I developed an overly active and exaggerated imagination during these years, which plays out on a daily basis in my life. It works well for me when I'm doing improv, but so much when I'm trying to have a normal conversation with a person whom I've just met.
Most of my friends and family are quite used to my overactive imagination and find it to be endearing (or at least I hope they do!), but they still roll their eyes at me when I go off the map and make absolutely no sense at all. A lot of the time, I am simply trying to be funny but to no avail. My sister is usually a good reality check when I start telling the story of the lonely gas attendant and his philosophies on why he loves to pump gas, and New Jersey is the only place that lets him do it as an occupation. Sometimes I do this on road trips, but no necessarily about the gas attendant and his 15 children he needs to feed! Come on people, it's heartwarming!
Another example of my weirdness: my roommate and I have an ongoing game in our apartment that involves a small magazine cutout of Justin Timberlake's head. It's called, "Find Justin." Basically, as you can imagine, one person tapes Justin's head cleverly somewhere in the apartment and the other person has to find it, then puts it in another discreet location. It's probably the most amazing game, and I didn't come up with it! I give full credit to my roommate with whom I share a wacky sense of humor. I don't think anyone else in the world would have been as excited about this game immediately when she mentioned it besides me. There is no final objective. We don't do it on a daily basis. It's just amusing to look around and see a teeny tiny Justin head taped on your painting, really amusing.
So, I was recently watching a preview to this movie, "My Sassy Girl," in which Elisha Cuthbert is a wacky girl and Jesse Bradford falls in love with her. The beginning of the trailer says, "She's beautiful. She's talented. She's crazy." Why are quirky women always crazy!? She believes in aliens, so what? I believe in cashmere (that was for my roommate, don't even try to decipher). Ok, so she really is kinda crazy from what the trailer tells me, and trailers don't lie, people! They may just include the "best" parts of the movie and some trailers may even be better than the movies...regardless.
The movie trailer got me to thinking. I may be a little crazy, quirky and down-right strange sometimes, but I'm not that strange. I do have a job, and a good one at that! I do have friends who like me, so I'm not a complete werido. If Jesse Bradford can fall in love with someone who slaps him in the face for no reason, I should be able to find a guy who can tolerate my inane stories about gas attendants and strategic placement of Justin Timberlake's head in my apartment. I mean really.
So, since the sickness is passing, I'm going out for my cousin's birthday party tonight. Whenever I don't interact with people for a couple of days, I get extremely wacky, so I am expecting some major eye rolls and/or laughs tonight from the crazy shit that is bound to come out of my mouth. Not shit literally, but words, you know? Of course you know. And here it starts.
As my loyal readers (whose readership, I'm sure is dwindling, since I have left you out in the cold for so long) know, I am not normal by any means. Sure, I may seem like a normal, nice, sweet girl on the outside, but once you start to get to know me and I start to feel really comfortable with you (which, by the way, doesn't take very long), you start to see my very strange side. I attribute much of this to my lack of friends as a small child. My mom told me that she would find me in the basement numerous times just playing by myself with My Little Ponies or Barbie (suuuper girly). I think I developed an overly active and exaggerated imagination during these years, which plays out on a daily basis in my life. It works well for me when I'm doing improv, but so much when I'm trying to have a normal conversation with a person whom I've just met.
Most of my friends and family are quite used to my overactive imagination and find it to be endearing (or at least I hope they do!), but they still roll their eyes at me when I go off the map and make absolutely no sense at all. A lot of the time, I am simply trying to be funny but to no avail. My sister is usually a good reality check when I start telling the story of the lonely gas attendant and his philosophies on why he loves to pump gas, and New Jersey is the only place that lets him do it as an occupation. Sometimes I do this on road trips, but no necessarily about the gas attendant and his 15 children he needs to feed! Come on people, it's heartwarming!
Another example of my weirdness: my roommate and I have an ongoing game in our apartment that involves a small magazine cutout of Justin Timberlake's head. It's called, "Find Justin." Basically, as you can imagine, one person tapes Justin's head cleverly somewhere in the apartment and the other person has to find it, then puts it in another discreet location. It's probably the most amazing game, and I didn't come up with it! I give full credit to my roommate with whom I share a wacky sense of humor. I don't think anyone else in the world would have been as excited about this game immediately when she mentioned it besides me. There is no final objective. We don't do it on a daily basis. It's just amusing to look around and see a teeny tiny Justin head taped on your painting, really amusing.
So, I was recently watching a preview to this movie, "My Sassy Girl," in which Elisha Cuthbert is a wacky girl and Jesse Bradford falls in love with her. The beginning of the trailer says, "She's beautiful. She's talented. She's crazy." Why are quirky women always crazy!? She believes in aliens, so what? I believe in cashmere (that was for my roommate, don't even try to decipher). Ok, so she really is kinda crazy from what the trailer tells me, and trailers don't lie, people! They may just include the "best" parts of the movie and some trailers may even be better than the movies...regardless.
The movie trailer got me to thinking. I may be a little crazy, quirky and down-right strange sometimes, but I'm not that strange. I do have a job, and a good one at that! I do have friends who like me, so I'm not a complete werido. If Jesse Bradford can fall in love with someone who slaps him in the face for no reason, I should be able to find a guy who can tolerate my inane stories about gas attendants and strategic placement of Justin Timberlake's head in my apartment. I mean really.
So, since the sickness is passing, I'm going out for my cousin's birthday party tonight. Whenever I don't interact with people for a couple of days, I get extremely wacky, so I am expecting some major eye rolls and/or laughs tonight from the crazy shit that is bound to come out of my mouth. Not shit literally, but words, you know? Of course you know. And here it starts.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
On My Sick Bed
Thankfully, I'm not dying, but it sure feels like it. I've been home sick from work for the past day and a half. At this point, I have coughed so much and so often that my back and stomach are killing me. On the plus side, my abs are so defined right now! So, my diet recommendation is to get deathly ill, so you are practically coughing up your lung for about two days, then you will have killer abs. Forget the possibility of contracting bronchitis or pneumonia. Copyright! Now, I shall make my millions.
Obviously, I haven't been dating for the past week, because of my sexy cough. And prior to that I was in Cambridge for work, then London for gay clubbing. Unfortunately, the boys in Cambridge are all about 18 or 19 years old or completely ancient, just slightly young/old for my taste and age for that matter. And the boys I was chilling with in London are friends of mine from my partying days in the U.K., and they are all gay. Lovely, but gay. I did try to set up a few crazy blind dates (which by the way is getting some buzz these days), but bailed on them due to my impending cold and lack of adjustment to the time difference. So, basically haven't been "in the mood."
Honestly, it takes a lot of energy to sit through two hours of awkward conversation, which most of my dates have been like, and I haven't had that energy lately. I'm hoping that when the weather starts warming up, so will my loins. EW! Sorry, but I just can't backspace today. There's a malfunction.
My guru and I already have a dream vacation booked for this summer, which I am so looking forward to. We have booked a week in the beautiful Turks and Caicos at none other than Club fucking Med. AHHHH yeah. And to top it off, it's a singles resort. Either I'm super awesome, or super pathetic. Personally, I think I'm awesome. I am so wishing that it was vacation time right now, but I have to be patient until the ultimate party.
The story goes... A few months ago, I emailed the guru, "I am going on a vacation this summer. I need a vacation this summer. Where should I go? Do you want come?" Simple and sweet. She wrote back, "YES! Club Med?" And the idea was born. The brilliant idea was born. Her parents have gone to this resort many times and love it, which I think is pretty funny. It's a singles resort. This actually makes me really excited to meet her parents too. They know how to throw down yo!
I expect many stories to come from this vacation, which excites me more than you know! My colleagues made a comment to me when we were in Cambridge. They said, "Wow, you really like telling stories." It's pretty much all I do. And honestly, that's what makes me happy! It's the spice of life. I love entertaining people and telling crazy stories, because crazy shit happens to me quite often. I know my readers like my stories!
As I wait for my lungs to drain of the nastiness they possess, all I can think of is warm weather, sun dresses, and cute boys. Ah, spring is so close! My skin is just waiting to turn from blue-ish white to light beige. And that's being optimistic!
Obviously, I haven't been dating for the past week, because of my sexy cough. And prior to that I was in Cambridge for work, then London for gay clubbing. Unfortunately, the boys in Cambridge are all about 18 or 19 years old or completely ancient, just slightly young/old for my taste and age for that matter. And the boys I was chilling with in London are friends of mine from my partying days in the U.K., and they are all gay. Lovely, but gay. I did try to set up a few crazy blind dates (which by the way is getting some buzz these days), but bailed on them due to my impending cold and lack of adjustment to the time difference. So, basically haven't been "in the mood."
Honestly, it takes a lot of energy to sit through two hours of awkward conversation, which most of my dates have been like, and I haven't had that energy lately. I'm hoping that when the weather starts warming up, so will my loins. EW! Sorry, but I just can't backspace today. There's a malfunction.
My guru and I already have a dream vacation booked for this summer, which I am so looking forward to. We have booked a week in the beautiful Turks and Caicos at none other than Club fucking Med. AHHHH yeah. And to top it off, it's a singles resort. Either I'm super awesome, or super pathetic. Personally, I think I'm awesome. I am so wishing that it was vacation time right now, but I have to be patient until the ultimate party.
The story goes... A few months ago, I emailed the guru, "I am going on a vacation this summer. I need a vacation this summer. Where should I go? Do you want come?" Simple and sweet. She wrote back, "YES! Club Med?" And the idea was born. The brilliant idea was born. Her parents have gone to this resort many times and love it, which I think is pretty funny. It's a singles resort. This actually makes me really excited to meet her parents too. They know how to throw down yo!
I expect many stories to come from this vacation, which excites me more than you know! My colleagues made a comment to me when we were in Cambridge. They said, "Wow, you really like telling stories." It's pretty much all I do. And honestly, that's what makes me happy! It's the spice of life. I love entertaining people and telling crazy stories, because crazy shit happens to me quite often. I know my readers like my stories!
As I wait for my lungs to drain of the nastiness they possess, all I can think of is warm weather, sun dresses, and cute boys. Ah, spring is so close! My skin is just waiting to turn from blue-ish white to light beige. And that's being optimistic!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Online Speed Dating = ?
My roommate sent me a link to this online speed dating website, "www.speeddate.com," so I figured why not try it out! I'm in the mood for trying new things lately as is evident from this here blog. I hadn't had a chance to look at the website until tonight, when i decided to take a break from packing for my overseas adventure. Well, my trip for work, but still...
The basic concept of the site is you can peruse the eligible bachelors and possibly start an IM conversation with one, if he is also online. It functions as a normal dating sight, but gives you the option to actually "talk" to someone instead of sending an email that might just be ignored. I think I might like the email being ignored better than the onset of an IM from someone I may not really want to talk to.
I was checking my messages on the site, and let me tell you, there were a lot. They were all from dudes in their 40s living in the Midwest. Um, what? You are obviously wasting your time. I'm a city girl, boys! And, apologies, but 40 is too old for me at the moment. I'm still dealing with the fact that I'm going to be 30 in 3 whole years. Oh the horror! Thirty is actually not old at all, but it's fun to joke about it. Especially when my friends in their 30s read this blog. Hey oldies! I hope your walkers don't break.
So, anyway, I was perusing the single dudes online tonight for about 5-7 min (I've been saying that all day for some reason), and an IM pops up. I freak out and don't know what to do, so I log out immediately. What is wrong with me!? It's the internet. It's not like I'm actually out at a bar and have to talk to someone in person. He wrote, "Hey!" Nothing too complicated! Hello, Anne! A simple "hi" back probably would have been suitable.
I'm so not equipped to be dating. I'm a moron sometimes. I am really tired from the packing, which I should probably be getting back to. I'll see you all on the other side, and hopefully I'll grow a pair and be able to talk to a dude online.
The basic concept of the site is you can peruse the eligible bachelors and possibly start an IM conversation with one, if he is also online. It functions as a normal dating sight, but gives you the option to actually "talk" to someone instead of sending an email that might just be ignored. I think I might like the email being ignored better than the onset of an IM from someone I may not really want to talk to.
I was checking my messages on the site, and let me tell you, there were a lot. They were all from dudes in their 40s living in the Midwest. Um, what? You are obviously wasting your time. I'm a city girl, boys! And, apologies, but 40 is too old for me at the moment. I'm still dealing with the fact that I'm going to be 30 in 3 whole years. Oh the horror! Thirty is actually not old at all, but it's fun to joke about it. Especially when my friends in their 30s read this blog. Hey oldies! I hope your walkers don't break.
So, anyway, I was perusing the single dudes online tonight for about 5-7 min (I've been saying that all day for some reason), and an IM pops up. I freak out and don't know what to do, so I log out immediately. What is wrong with me!? It's the internet. It's not like I'm actually out at a bar and have to talk to someone in person. He wrote, "Hey!" Nothing too complicated! Hello, Anne! A simple "hi" back probably would have been suitable.
I'm so not equipped to be dating. I'm a moron sometimes. I am really tired from the packing, which I should probably be getting back to. I'll see you all on the other side, and hopefully I'll grow a pair and be able to talk to a dude online.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Dropping the Ball, Dropping the Ball
(The title of this post should be sung to "Breaking the Law" by Judas Priest). Ok, so I seriously dropped the ball and haven’t kept my promise. I hope you can forgive me! I’ve been busy being lazy and watching marathons of Project Runway and Make Me a Supermodel. What would I do without Bravo!? I would probably be a LOT more productive. The writers strike incidentally provoked me to write.
Recently I have been bombarded by engagements. I have yet to receive a proposal, but the guy at the bodega has been eyeing me for months! Hey cutie! One of my best friends from college who is currently living in Philly called me a week or so ago to tell me that he proposed to his girlfriend of four years. It's about time buddy! As I was on the phone with him, I said, "You know I'm going to cry. I'm gonna cry." (I do have emotions. I’m not the vacant shell that you all think I am). And he knew I would. We have been friends long enough for him to know these things about me. He also told me that two of our other friends recently asked their girlfriends for their respective hands in marriage. Woah! What’s going on in Philly? Seriously. They are all in their late 20s and all engaged. And as you all know, I just entered my late 20s and am extremely single.
My best friend from childhood also got engaged. I found out from her facebook. I love social networking sites! I can spy on people who I have seen for years and years! My boss got engaged recently too. It was totally unexpected for me, because she rarely talks about her social life. She’s good at the separation of work and play. Me, I’m not so good at that. I’m constantly talking about the dates I go on and the guys I have crushes on. Most of my office has my blog link. I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe just a thing.
Personally, I’m not sure if I ever want to get married. I know plenty of perfectly happy married couples, but I’m not 100% on all the “values” of marriage. But that’s besides the point. It’s just insane to me that amount of people who are getting engaged all around me! It’s all happening at once and freaking me out a bit.
My former coworker probably went to one wedding every weekend (if not two) over each summer that I worked with her. She would always say to me, “You just wait until all of your friends start getting married.” I guess I just never thought it would start happening or I never knew when it would. She had a closet full of bridesmaids’ dresses, which I am so not looking forward to. I mean, that is, if I am chosen to ever be a bridesmaid. Don’t want to get my hopes up for a great dress that I will probably feel uncomfortable wearing for the entire wedding! I mean, that I will love. Yes. Definitely. I always wondered why she never sold them; she told me that she saw them as trophies and found them to be hilarious. I agree.
Anyway, I am nowhere near to be prepared for marriage or anything close to it. I haven’t been on a date for about a month (been busy with … stuff… yeah I have lots of things to do). I was at a happy hour with some girlfriends the other night and I couldn’t even muster up the courage to go talk to a cute guy who was very obviously checking me out for the entire night. I was just having too much fun with my ladies, and my seat was pretty awesome so I didn’t feel like moving. And I didn’t feel like expending the effort at the moment. Being in a serious relationship takes a lot of effort to frequently be expended. At this moment in my life, I’m perfectly happy being me and being able to be me. It’s selfish, but I don’t care! I’m also justifying why I’m single, but I don’t care!
The thing that gets me most about the impending weddings is that most of the people getting married are exactly my age, and I can’t fathom feeling like that right now. It makes me feel jealous and relieved all at the same time. It also makes me realize that I’m taking my time with the dating for a reason. I’ve dated enough assholes and I’m not really in the mood to date one right now. I’d much rather go out on random dates and have no responsibility tagged on with them. If they turn out to be an asshole, then I only have to see them once. Done and done.
Ah, yes the peculiarities of life. How wonderful. It’s all well and good that I can say that I can’t imagine being in a serious relationship, when it could honestly happen at any moment. I say that I won’t be prepared, but when is anyone ever prepared for the things that just seem to happen in your life?
I’m still wondering why that cute boy at the happy hour never came up to talk to me. Seriously, he was staring me down. Every time I would look in his direction, our eyes would meet. Maybe I should have just compromised my seat for the possibility of having a good conversation over a beer. Maybe next time. (The seat was pretty awesome).
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