Head of the Class

eFriends! Howdy! I had a friend in college who we all called Tex and he always said, Howdy, whenever he saw you. I always thought it was adorable. Anyway, I survived last night with limited coughing involved. Woo. I definitely said some weird things when I was out to dinner with my sister, brother-in-law and cousin. I warned them that the lack of human contact was having an effect on me. My sister said, "What are you talking about? You always say weird things." Ok, she has a point.

Sometimes I mention the fact that I do improv on this blog, which is true, but let's be honest, I take classes. I am on hiatus at the moment (lack of funds!), but I'm practicing in a group with some pretty awesome people just to keep up the skeeellllzz. I started taking classes a little over a year ago at the suggestion of my sister. I think she saw it as a way of channeling my "quirkiness." I was dating a guy at the time I started doing improv last year, who was less than impressed about my endeavor. He turned out to be a douche, obviously. Anyone who doesn't think someone who does something totally random just for the hell of it is pretty cool, is a douche. You can quote me on that. I give you permission.

Naturally, when you take a class or join some type of group (like AA or something, not to be insensitive!), you will meet new people. Fact of life. So, I was thinking that I would probably be meeting some cute, funny dudes in the process of comedy-izing myself. What? I don't know. Things were rocky with me and douche anyway, so I was a lookin'. My coworkers always ask me about my class and social life in general. I'm so popular. So, I told them that I thought it would also be a good opportunity to meet someone. My boss immediately said, "All women think that! Women take classes to learn a skill and possibly meet a guy. Guys take classes to learn a skill. Period." Truer words and so on.

In the UCB handbook of class taking, if you miss a class, you have to make it up in another group. We always had different people in our class from week to week making up for their absences. I would try not to crush on anyone in my class until it was over just to avoid awkwardness, but that rule does not apply to visitors! Oh no no no! They are fair game. Sweet! One week in particular, a super cute, funny boy audited into the class for the day (this is long after douche and I broke up and I had already taken a few levels). Suuuuper cute. I'm a school girl at heart. Can't help it. We usually go out for drinks at the end of each class, so naturally I asked cute boy if he wanted to go out for a drink with us. Naturally, he said yes. Can't resist the smile! Oh yeah.

Long story short, we ended up going to show at the UCB Theatre after drinks and he asked me for my number. Score! And he texted me the next night just to say hi. Double score! I was like, awesome, this kid likes me! And he's so cute! And funny! So, that Friday, I grew a pair and asked him if he wanted to hang out, so he invited me to this Human Giant thing going on at the MTV studios. I was like, um ok. I was thinking more of a drink and some spit swapping, but comedy in Times Square, sure. We ended up agreeing to meet outside the studios. I got there a little late, so I was freaking out a bit. Times Square on a Friday night (or any night of the week, for that matter) sucks. Monkey balls. Big ones. I live in Brooklyn for a reason.

So here I am, in the middle of Times Square, waiting. He hasn't answered my call or text. I'm in the middle of Times fucking Square. I randomly ran into his friend who I met the other night, who is a pretty cool chick, but a total improv geek. We stand around and bullshit some and she keeps trying to make jokes. She asks where the dude is and I have no clue. He isn't returning her calls either, and I'm starting to get a really bad feeling. So making friendly conversation I ask her who else is coming along. She says, "Oh it's just him and his girlfriend who is like so gorgeous you want to hate her." Uh, what? I don't even know how to react at all. "Oh, cool." I start laughing hysterically, on the inside. Of course! Of course. This stuff only happens to me. I swear! This is just too much right now.

Eventually, I told her I was going to meet up with some friends in Brooklyn. I didn't exactly have plans, but my friend, Double D, said that she would be around. I immediately call her to tell her the situation, and she tells me to meet her at the bar. I ended up getting shitty wasted until 4am with her and a few other friends who showed up. It was a pretty sweet night once I got back to Brooklyn, I have to say! But honestly, what the F! What was he thinking? He was clearly giving me signals of being single and wanting to hang out. Guys with girlfriends don't get other girls' numbers then contact them immediately with cute text messages. The guy is a complete dog.

People amaze me on a daily basis! Really they do! Sometimes in a good way and sometimes by leaving me stranded in Times Square on a Friday night with a girl I barely know only to make awkward conversation for 20 minutes. Oh, and I almost forgot. He texted, texted, me that Tuesday to apologize. Tuesday. He also apologized for not apologizing sooner. I told him it was a really shitty thing to do and he can suck it. I didn't write the last part, but when I was texting him, I rolled my eyes like no other. Take that, sucka! Feel the burn.

I almost had a run in with him recently (the whole Times Square thing happened about 8 months ago). He was sitting at a table with my friend who I was talking to, but I didn't notice him until I was almost done with my conversation (I was drunk, shh), and I only noticed him out of the corner of my eye. My friend who I was with passed by and said we were going, so I just left. Phew! Close call! I don't think I could have even been slightly nice to him. Not that I'm bitter, I just think he's a shitty person.

Ah, good times. Yes. Ok, I had one too many Guinness last night and now I need some bacon fat and cheese. Sexy. Stay beautiful. I will. Especially once I get some bacon fat.